It's Been a Long Time//I Shouldn't Have Left You//Without a Dope Beat to Step to//Step to//Step to *scratches record*

Hahahaaa! Throwback, right?! Make you want to break into full dance combat…low-rise cargos, string bikini top and errthang! I hope you're well…you who's reading this. I hope time has shown you new things thus far. I hope your new year is a happy one to date.

I've been well. Up and down, but doing well. I'm learning that I enjoy my life a bit better when I can see my bedroom floor and my clothes are properly hanged in my closet. I can thank my best friend for that. She came for a visit and managed to help me pull my life together in less than 3 days. I'm grateful to her.

Since I've posted last, I took my driving test for the first time and managed to roll through a stop sign and scared the halibut out of the instructor. "You rolled through that stop sign. Then when pulling in, you could have driven us into a ditch." I wanted to be like…

But that may have very well ended me up in "you-cannot-take-your-driving-test-for-another-five-years" jail with my face plastered on every window of every DPS in the Austin/Pflugerville area. I personally thought I stopped. Zero, two--what's the difference? In my defense, little Billy wasn't playing in the street and no cars were coming. I also did GREAT on the parallel parking. But, I know it'd be much better to go out on the road with confidence that I can be a responsible driver than to just be given a license haphazardly. I've been practicing since that horrible day and have gotten much better with caution, control of the vehicle, etc. I retake my driving test tomorrow. Keep me lifted peeps. I should be rollin' soon. *thinks about insurance rates, faints* Somebody call Flo!

Moving on…

I've been a-cookin' and such. But I've been terrible about photographing my food to track on this blog. I've been snapping Instagram photos here and there. However, I want to get that whole lighting and positioning thing down a bit before I end up on the #CookingForBae Instagram page. Nope, ain't gonna happen, Cap'n! I promise I'm gonna get better about it. Till then, I'll post about life and hopefully that's as interesting as the blueberry white chocolate blondies I made last night… ;)

I'll post again this week. Just wanted to let y'all know I'm alive and kickin'!

Cow Bell Ciao Bella…or something like that…

xo
mirakol

Long time, no type...

Hey buddy!

It's been a while.

Updates? Well, I bought some cheap art, a floor lamp, and a TV stand from Big Lots for my living room. I also got a small lamp from Goodwill :) Built the furniture myself--including my previously purchased bookshelf and shoe shelf!

Oh! And I got my driver's permit! #WutWut! *proceeds to raise proverbial roof*

Very exciting stuff! Things about a car are up and moving. Shh!!! Don't tell nobody!

Hahaaa! I'll be rollin' soon. Ain't gon' be able to tell me nothing. Unless of course, you're the police and I'm ridin' dirty...

I'm doing alright, peeps. Living and learning...and then getting Luvs...wait o.O

Work has been up and down.

I'm constantly encountering learning experiences left and right that leave me questioning 'am I good enough?' Learning to navigate in a working world with superbly high expectations and seemingly small but overwhelming demands can prove daunting for a fish out of water girl out of college. I'm really trying to not blow up into tears when things go awry. I'm really trying to ensure that what I present to people is not subpar. I'm really trying to do well. But being a performer is not my most extraordinary of qualities. Perfectionism hits. The pangs of a populace peering at a me to provide unprecedented service scares the senses out of me. Coming from a Christian reality where I find comfort in such a truth as the love and acceptation I receive from God not being predicated on my performance, I step out and into a dichotomous, almost parallel universe where my performance ALMOST ALWAYS drives the acceptance I receive. It's difficult.

It's darn right hard. Trying to balance myself between two realities can be stressful. Learning to trust God and still be comforted by the aforementioned truth is demanding. It is demanding of my time, my emotions, my energy, my worship, my praise. Making a choice daily to love my God with my everything is probably one of the hardest things I've come to learn at 23.

I suppose it's a lesson that we continue to learn over the course of life. Doesn't mean it's always pleasant. Nonetheless, I'm doing fine. Since I began this draft two weeks ago not too long ago, I was encouraged by a friend that while my performance in the kingdom of God matters, it does not determine acceptance and love into and from God Himself, and I can find comfort in that same truth with my natural life in this world. Everything that I have has been given me by the gracious God. The job I have, the life I live, the blood that pumps from my heart and through my veins are only made possible through the atonement by the shedding of Christ's blood. My life has been claimed, my territory marked and my name written--on the heart of Christ and in the Book of Life. The last thing I should concern myself with is jeopardy facing my job--you know, the one God blessed me with. Realizing that there's no way tragedy can come for me without God allowing it for His glory and my good, is a reassuring notion.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Until sooner rather than later,
-m

Reflections...

I've been dealing heavily with my emotions, deep wounds and brokenness that stem from fatherlessness and motherlessness. I've cried viscerally and have petitioned God for answers that didn't come...or so I thought.

God tends to be quite practical. He's also constant and consistent. In step, he's persistent. I'm finding that when He answers, it's on His time, in perfect time and often in ways that we don't expect.

He will meet your deepest of needs and give you the desires of your heart. He will actually reach into your heart and give you desires and will fulfill them in only ways He can.

Sometimes...most times, it's gravely difficult to see the majesty of God's workings because they didn't come how our original desires framed boxed them God.

I desire to be pursued, romanced, held, loved, wed...

God did all this and more through The Christ. On top of that, he gave me amazing father figures, healthy male friendships, awesome girlfriends and family who love hugs and kisses.

Even then, when my heart doesn't quite agree with the truth of who He is, He is patient and is relentless in His pursuit of me.

A friend of mine contacted me yesterday. He asked how I'd been. I was honest. He responded in saying:

"Walk in that victory. Struggle builds strength, and that's why you're one of the strongest women I know. Keep living up to the rep God gave you."

I was in the kitchen washing dishes when I read this and my heart began to race, tears welled and I realized the goodness of the Lord is prevalent even when I don't quite feel His presence like I once did. I told my friend thank you and he told me that "the truth feels good, too." To which I responded, "The truth does feel good. Maybe a bit foreign to a broken heart, but good."

With a broken heart, the truth is oft and easily missed. But with a broken, contrite and willing heart, the truth can be seized and subsequently quickens the one who fastens to it.

Today was a good day. Tomorrow will be better. I choose to fight and to win, not because of my fickle faithfulness, but because of God's great faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-24

xo,
Victorious

p.s. enjoy this awesome song :)