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On Black, Fat, Femme Positivity: Why I'm at My Heaviest, My Most Confident, and Don't Need Your Approval to Exist

"If I breathe in public for five seconds, it’s also common that someone will feel the need to tell me, “YASSSSS!” in an attempt to ch...

Friday, October 25, 2013


I've been dealing heavily with my emotions, deep wounds and brokenness that stem from fatherlessness and motherlessness. I've cried viscerally and have petitioned God for answers that didn't come...or so I thought.

God tends to be quite practical. He's also constant and consistent. In step, he's persistent. I'm finding that when He answers, it's on His time, in perfect time and often in ways that we don't expect.

He will meet your deepest of needs and give you the desires of your heart. He will actually reach into your heart and give you desires and will fulfill them in only ways He can.

Sometimes...most times, it's gravely difficult to see the majesty of God's workings because they didn't come how our original desires framed boxed them God.

I desire to be pursued, romanced, held, loved, wed...

God did all this and more through The Christ. On top of that, he gave me amazing father figures, healthy male friendships, awesome girlfriends and family who love hugs and kisses.

Even then, when my heart doesn't quite agree with the truth of who He is, He is patient and is relentless in His pursuit of me.

A friend of mine contacted me yesterday. He asked how I'd been. I was honest. He responded in saying:
"Walk in that victory. Struggle builds strength, and that's why you're one of the strongest women I know. Keep living up to the rep God gave you."
I was in the kitchen washing dishes when I read this and my heart began to race, tears welled and I realized the goodness of the Lord is prevalent even when I don't quite feel His presence like I once did. I told my friend thank you and he told me that "the truth feels good, too." To which I responded, "The truth does feel good. Maybe a bit foreign to a broken heart, but good."

With a broken heart, the truth is oft and easily missed. But with a broken, contrite and willing heart, the truth can be seized and subsequently quickens the one who fastens to it.

Today was a good day. Tomorrow will be better. I choose to fight and to win, not because of my fickle faithfulness, but because of God's great faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-24


p.s. enjoy this awesome song :)