There's an overwhelming heaviness of heart I carry.
It is at times fleeting, and then I'm okay. Other times, it bores through me like a piercing gaze…not akin to that of a lover.
I feel I'm sitting in an empty glass house with no stones and a sledgehammer too heavy for me to swing and set myself free.
I'm left with my thoughts. I'm left with my own words, weaponized to be unkind to myself. And this heavy, heavy hammer.
It is far more than I can stand to lift. It is old. It is rugged. It is splintery and rusted. And while quite difficult and painful to manage, it is the only thing that will get me out of this place.
I try, many a time, to no avail to lift this aid of liberation. I grow weary. I cry. I fail. So I sit, with this hammer lightly grasped wondering how I will ever manage to get out of here. For I am too weak. I am not strong enough to do this in my own might…
If I were to escape, what about the shards of glass? What about the pain of actually climbing out? What about what lies on the other side of these walls? Can I handle it?
My thoughts…
My questions…
My doubts…
I am left with them and this heavy, heavy hammer--the only thing that can set me free.
Where do I find strength to use the only tool given me?
The tool…
I strengthen myself by carrying this tool. I bear its heaviness. I endure the splinters. I embrace the callouses. And with this comes renewal of the mind…a mental and spiritual Bearing, Endurance and Embrace like no other. I build the valor necessary to heave this tool as I will.
And break free…
Glass at my feet, limbs a bit scarred, hammer in hand, walking to the next glass house.
-m
And let us rejoice and exult in our hope of experiencing and enjoying the glory of God.Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance.
And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation.Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.
Romans 5:2-5 (AMP)
